Just Keep Swimming

Resurfacing.  To come to the surface again.  To reappear.  For years I've felt like I've been keeping my head above water so when I read the article Resurfacing, it resonated with me. 

Eight years ago I was thrown under water.  The simple world on land I knew was no more.  In its place were meals and snacks that included algebraic equations and chemistry (two of my least favorite subjects in school, ironically).  The daily requirements to keep my son alive were mentally and physically exhausting - finger pokes and needles full of insulin all aimed at a two year old moving target.  Sleep was a long forgotten luxury. 

Flash forward eight years and two more kids later.  I don't remember Leah as a baby.  How is that possible?  How long have I been under water?  Cole's surprise immaculate conception and colic pushed me further under water.  Three kids - one with diabetes, one I managed to raise from birth in a fog, and one that has lived up to being a fiery little redhead - all while eking out a successful career as well.

I'm slowly leaving the water.  I feel tired, yet a little victorious.  We all survived.  I'm not naive enough to believe that I won't be thrown back in, but I'm starting to resurface.  I do know that I'm emerging a different person than I was eight years ago.  To be honest, I'm not sure who I am right now - wife, mother, part time pancreas, part time accountant?  I'm all of those, yet so much more.  I'm ready to come out of the water and see who I really am.

The kids safe on land.