Brave - an adjective meaning having or showing courage. In my life, it is also a noun called Chase and Dad.
Yesterday I underwent my first surgery. It was a simple procedure on my wrist to remove a cyst that has been plaguing me for years. As I was prepped for the procedure, I had a plethora of wipes, syringes and IV needles placed into my lap. As I listened to the nurses explain what they were about to do, I thought to myself, "Chase does this every three days. You can do this." So, as the first IV went it, I was brave. I was Chase.
Then, as I was brought into the OR and strapped to the bed, I was Dad. Lord knows how many procedures that man has had. When the nurse started giving me a relaxer, I almost said, "No, I'm good," (hindsight - I highly recommend it). I laid there, relaxed, thinking of the two boys that paved this road for me.
Taking on type 1 has been a lesson in bravery. It's been poking my child's skin 5 or more times a day to get that precious drop of blood. It's piercing his skin with a needle multiple times a day to give him life giving insulin. It is looking at diluted insulin, full strength insulin, and long acting insulin bottles in your fridge and making damn sure you grab the right bottle. It is getting him through his first insulin reaction, then his second, then his third and then realizing that reactions never get easier. It is making the decision to put your 3 year old on an insulin pump when it has never been attempted in the state. It is learning to adjust the pump for highs and lows. It is pump site changes every three days. It is putting him in the care of others - day care, school, play dates. It is allowing yourself to sleep through the night.
Mainly what I've learned these last eight years is that bravery doesn't mean you aren't scared. It means knowing what you need to do to achieve the best outcome. Our journey has never been easy. It's taken a lot of hard work, some luck, and one brave kid. I am brave because he is brave.
