Then there is religion. I was raised Lutheran. Gary was raised Catholic (he says he's a recovering Catholic). So, therefore, we are members of the United Church of Christ (it seems to be a theme). A vast majority of my friends are Catholic, some are Baptist, Evangelical, Lutheran and even Hindu. I have a few agnostic and atheist friends as well. Faith fascinates me. Faith infuriates me.
There is a saying that God only gives you what you can handle. Well, lately, I kind of feel like I've been given enough. I often ask God, "Isn't diabetes enough? Do I really have to deal with all this other shit?" Even when trying to get away from it, it's always there.
Gary and I were able to finally take a vacation together after 10 years. No kids. Just us in sunny Las Vegas. It was the first time in 7 years we were 1300 miles away and in a different state from Chase. It was a BIG deal. He was in the expert care of my parents so Gary and I never once worried about regular blood testing, carb counting, etc. We didn't even talk about diabetes, until the boat ride.
I was so looking forward to the gondola ride. It was the main reason I picked the Venetian Hotel. (I've come to the conclusion that I will probably never make it to my dream destination of Venice, so I'll have to settle for a themed Vegas hotel.) So, we board the boat with another couple and the gondolier serenades us with song (yeah, it was cool). As we approach a tunnel, she instructs us that if we make a wish and kiss in the tunnel, it will bring good luck.
Well, you can guess what I wished for which then took me into that dark place. The one that wondered what the other couple sitting across from me wished for. Did they wish for something fun, crazy or extravagant? A few minutes after departing the ride, I turned to Gary with tears in my eyes and asked, "Did we wish for the same thing." With the squeeze of his hand, the answer was yes.
I used to believe everything happens for a reason. Now I just feel like Charlie Brown. Every fall Lucy promises to hold a football for Charlie Brown to kick, and every year she pulls it away as he follows through, causing him to fly in the air and land painfully on his back. I wish I had the faith and belief that I see my friends have. I wish I had the faith and belief that I try to show my friends. Right now, I'd just like to kick the damn ball.
2 comments:
If you are Charlie Brown, I'll be your Linus. I'll even share my blanket with you!
One of Charlie's (the Schulz creation, not your dog) greatest traits is his faith: He gets tricked by Lucy because he has faith that this time, she'll let him kick the ball. He has faith that this year, his baseball team will do well. Keep your faith. Your team is strong. You have millions of dollars being poured into research. It's only a matter of time.
Thank you, Gwen. There is definitely a reason you are in my life.
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