A Retrospective - To the Moon and Back

We are closing in on the five year mark of Chase's diabetes anniversary. I have trouble remembering what I did yesterday, but I can remember that day in vivid detail. November 29th, 2005 - 8:30 AM.

On November 28th we put Chase to bed early. We were happy that he went down easily because he had to fast for his blood sugar test the next morning. Sitting next to Gary that night, I told him that we needed to be prepared for what seemed like the impossible chance that Chase had diabetes. Gary, being my forever optimist, tried to reassure me that Chase was okay.

The next morning, I took Chase into Public Health for his blood test. After the nurse pricked his finger, I looked at the glucometer - 348. I'll never forget what she said as she turned to me - "Your dad is diabetic, so you know what this means." With tears in her eyes, she hugged me. She wrote down the name of a doctor at Medcenter she recommended. I took the paper and walked out the door in a daze, too shocked to cry. I buckled Chase into his car seat and told him that he was going to be okay. Then I dialed Gary's cell phone and told him to meet me at Medcenter as soon as possible.

I had never been to Medcenter, so pulling into the large parking lot, I didn't know where to go. By the time I got to the registration line, Gary was there. Chase was able to get right into Dr. Kumar. From there, we were told he was to be admitted to the hospital. The nurse sent me to admitting while she took Gary and Chase to the hospital. I sat, for what seemed like hours, to admit Chase. It was excruciating to be away from my son.

By the time I made it over to the hospital wing, Chase was in a bed with bags of fluid attached to his tiny body. They told us to expect to stay 4 days in the hospital to figure out exactly how much insulin he was going to require and to rehydrate his body.

After we got situated in the hospital, I headed home to pack an over night bag for Gary and myself. On the drive I called my parents and left a sobbing message on their home phone. By the time I got to my house, I composed myself and decided to call my mom at work. I didn't want my dad to hear the message on their phone for fear of not knowing how Chase's diagnosis would affect him.

The next four days in the hospital are a bit of a blur. Maysil was introduced to us as the diabetes nurse educator and Kelly as the nutritionist. They told us that we would get to know them well since we would need to meet with them every 3 months. A few years ago, I admitted to Maysil that at the time, all I could think was, "You seem nice, but I do not want to know you."

We had a lot of friends and family visit during Chase's stay. It seemed like everyone that came to visit had the same look of disbelief. For those of you that knew Gary's dad, he didn't exactly wear his emotions on his sleeve. It was hard to see Gary's dad softly weeping into his hand as he watched a hysterically crying Chase receive an insulin shot.

In four days, Gary and I became nurses & nutritionists. We learned to test blood sugar, dilute insulin (Chase was too little to take regular insulin), and count carbohydrates. Taking him home from the hospital was like bringing home a newborn baby. We were on our own and we needed to figure it out on our own.

We still haven't figured it all out after 4 1/2 years, but it now is just a part of our lives. Sending Chase to kindergarten this year, was probably the hardest thing I've had to do since he was diagnosed. We'd been blessed with the world's best day care provider on the planet (I'm not exaggerating), so to turn him over to "new" people was terrifying. I cried on the walk home from the school after the parents' kindergarten orientation. I was totally and utterly jealous of the moms that could send their child to school and not have to worry about what I had to worry about. After the first week of school (and a 504 plan in place), I knew Chase was in good hands.

Being on an insulin pump has made Chase's transition into school much easier. We pretty much had him testing his own blood and entering his numbers before he entered kindergarten. He only needs to have help counting carbs. He's been getting pretty good at that, too. Recently, at breakfast, he ate a Toaster Strudel (not healthy, I know). He knew they are 26 carbs each. He asked if he could eat his sister's untouched Strudel. I said, sure. He pulled out his pump and said, "So, 52 carbs, right?" Now, if diabetes had done any good, it's that my kid is a genius when it comes to math!

He is a kid that I'm proud of for so many reasons. He has handled this disease with grace and courage. His is strong beyond his years. Every morning when I drop him off at school, we play this game -

Mom: "I love you, buddy."

Chase: "I love you, too, Mom."

Mom: "I love you, more!"

Chase: "I love you, more!" Then, he jumps out of the car, slams the car door and runs off laughing, thinking he has gotten the last word.

Mom: "I love you to the moon, and back."